BLOGGER TEMPLATES AND TWITTER BACKGROUNDS

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Last night

You looked so worried and edgy when you stopped me to ask for money as I walked into the store. I told you I didn't have any, because all I had was a $20 and no singles. When I went in the store though, I couldn't help but look back at you, at how you were pacing a single square of sidewalk like a caged animal in the zoo. It was so cold, but you only had on a thin jacket.

As I shopped I tried to tell myself that you'd probably be gone by the time I got back outside. I tried not to think about you, but all my mind could do was justify why I shouldn't give you any money. You were probably just going to spend it on drugs.

I left the store and started loading my bags in the car, and saw movement out of the corner of my eye. You were still there, still pacing, still looking desperate. I was resolved though, so I got in my car to leave. As I was driving away though, something kept telling me I would regret it if I didn't help you. I actually stopped and argued with myself at the stop sign, but the feeling just kept getting stronger that I needed to go back. But all I have is that damned $20! Then I thought about all the help I have received from people throughout my life. I'm so lucky to know that if I need something, there are so many different people I can turn to for help.

At the last minute I turned the car around and pulled into a space a few rows down from you. I got out and handed you the money. Your face broke my heart. You looked empty; like a shell. Hollow. Your expression never changed, you just took the money and left, but that's ok. I didn't want your grattitude.

When I got back in the car I started sobbing, thinking about what you were probably going to do with that money. My love knew just what to say. "Even if she is on drugs, that doesn't mean she isn't hurting."

So I can only hope. Maybe this will be the place where you hit bottom, and look for help. I'm not going to fool myself into thinking you spent it on food or a coat at the Salvation Army. Logically it seemed wrong, but something in me felt like it was the right thing to do, felt like I would remember you and regert it if I didn't give you that money. It was only $20. I have been given so much more.

21 folks speakin' their mind:

youngquinn said...

"even if she is on drugs that doesnt mean she isnt hurting" HOW TRUE.
Compassion for the person instead of judging them..I am proud to know you !

dawn said...

(hi, pam!)
i am so proud to know you, too, fiwa. i love how your heart speaks to your head.

fiwa said...

Thank you ladies, but by my love I meant the boy. He's the one who said "Even if she is on drugs, that doesn't mean she isn't hurting."

Ginni Dee said...

I have tears in my eyes Fiwa. What a special person you are. I'm lucky to know you and have your influence in my daily life thru your blog.

Love you girl,
XOXOXOX

Jay said...

I really need to try to be more like you.

bermudabluez said...

You are a very special person, Fiwa and I am proud to be your friend in this blog world of ours. Thank you for sharing that story with us!

Golden To Silver Val said...

For a good heart, such as yours, to feel so strongly about helping another....it was meant to be and that $20 will be what it takes to get her life turned around. Your generosity will show her that kindness and comapssion is still alive and she need not fear asking for help to get on the right track. You surely will sit at the right hand of God some day dear friend. Bless you.

Malc said...

The boy is a wise man - and you are a love.

I think Jay needs to be more like you too.

nikkipolani said...

I wonder if she'll ever understand how much you cared -- that someone cared.

hensteeth said...

You and I are on the same wavelength this week, reaching out of our selves to touch the lives of strangers. And have them touch us back with angel's wings.

Brad said...

We all have too look out for our brothers. Well done you, More reasons to love never hurt anyone.

Tink said...

That got me choked up girl. Over the last two years our little Florida town has become overrun by homeless. They've started housing them at a horse shelter. I look at them, begging for change outside the local bars before the free bus takes them "home" and it breaks my heart.

captain corky said...

You have a good heart. Homelessness is such a tragedy.

coffespaz said...

Beautiful!!! It is hard isn't it, but I am glad you followed your heart.

R.E.H. said...

You are amazing, Fiwa. To do that, and to feel it the way you did - making you go back to give your $20 to the homeless girl... I can only hope to have such a good heart as you some day.

bonnie said...

Ah fiwa, my mail is on the other mac and I would prefer to email you, but the bottom line is thank you for listening and yes, I agree Karen Carpenter was strangled by what I was speaking to. No worries, I have some awareness here, so I CAN verbalize. She could only play it out. :-(

Cheryl said...

I relate to the struggle you went through. It's always such a hard decision. When to help. If it will help. You have to listen to your heart. It's one of the things I like so much about you.

The Birdwatcher said...

Apart from the kindness (but we would expect that of you) it is a mighty fine piece of writing. It reminded me of Garrison Keillors Letter from Clarence Bunsen to his wife. You should get it published somewhere.

Sis said...

What a post to come back to.

I'm so glad I know you. You are beautiful.

XOXO

Ruth Hull Chatlien said...

This was such a beautiful and inspiring post. Maybe your kindness will touch her in a way you'll never know.

P.S. The seeds came. Thanks! I can't wait to see how they turn out.

KathyA said...

I think everything we do has consequence. Undoubtedly, Fiwa, the results of your kindness will affect not only her, but anyone who is privy to your act of kindness.